Relationships: Core Assumptions

By: Clay Odom

What separates a relationship from a casual connection? In every case, a relationship is the reality where three things are present. In a working relationship, there must be a “Me,” a “You,” and the “Conditions" we face. The Me aspect of the reality involves bringing our own authenticity. Without authenticity, the relationship is not based on a personal foundation and cannot stand. The You aspect, referring to the other person, involves bringing empathy. Empathy is defined as the identification with and understanding of another’s situation, feelings, and motives. The Conditions we face make up the third identifying characteristic of a relationship. This refers to the situation in which both persons find themselves as an external engagement of the Me and You with an accuracy that can be pinpointed.

Two core assumptions must also align in the relationship between the two people, in order to achieve the intended results. These two assumptions are trust and shared purpose. The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust him or her!

For trust to exist, there are three criteria that must be met: competence, reliability, and motive alignment.

Trust is often built or diminished by a series of conscious and unconscious assessments we make about these three criteria. Is the other person competent in a particular expertise or skill? Is he or she consistently reliable, doing the things that are promised? Finally, if the other person’s motives and intentions are transparent and align with your motives, you can be sure the individual is trustworthy. When either person has a difference of intentions, or there is an inaccuracy in approach and communication, it should be clear the relationship is getting off base.

When the three criteria for trust are met, the pathway for shared purpose has been created. Trust is a mirror image of empathy and authenticity. Where there is one, the other must also exist. Once trust is created, purpose can be shared, allowing relationships to be built on and grow from this strong foundation.