Become Highly Effective: Habit 4

What We’re Reading

By Stephanie Wharton

Last month, we discussed the paradigms of interdependence and the six ways we can make deposits into the emotional bank accounts of other people. This month brings us to the fourth habit in Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The first three (be proactive, begin with the end in mind, and put first things first) are designed to master self and become independent. The remaining four habits are focused on building relationships and producing interdependence.

Habit #4: Think Win/Win

According to Covey, there are six types of human interaction:

Win/Win
Win/Lose
Lose/Win
Lose/Lose
Win
Win/Win or No Deal (We both win or we don’t have an agreement.)

While he explains each one, let’s focus on what the Win/Win interaction looks like. Rather than technique, he says it’s a “frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions.” With the Win/Win philosophy, solutions benefit all parties involved, allowing them to feel good, be satisfied, and be committed. The problem is that many of us see things with such a competitive mindset, that every solution involves one person winning and one person losing. Covey proposes that there is a better way to see things, that “one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others.”

What does it look like and how do we get there? There must be the willingness and courage to look for mutual learning opportunities and benefits. There are five dimensions to the Win/Win philosophy:

Character: This is the foundation with the following building blocks: integrity, maturity, and abundance mentality. Integrity is the cornerstone, and maturity is the “balance of courage and consideration.” You have to be high in courage to not get walked over, but also high in consideration to keep others’ needs and perspective as equal to your own. The last trait, abundance mentality, is the simple idea that there is plenty for everybody.
Relationships: After building character, we must establish and sustain relationships developed through a high level of trust. This is all about the six things we discussed last month in making deposits in others’ emotional bank accounts.
Agreements: Out of trust-filled relationships, we next create agreements that outline the way the Win/Win solution will play out for both parties. He describes five important elements, which must be part of every agreement: desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability, and consequences. The idea is that with these elements in place and a good relationship built on trust, there is no need to control the other person or hover over daily details.
Systems: The systems in place must support the Win/Win philosophy. Rather than having competitive systems to motivate people, put in place cooperative ones in which people benefit through each others’ mutual success.
Processes: To arrive at a Win/Win solution, you must follow a process to produce that. Covey proposes these four steps: “First, see the problem from the other point of view. Second, identify the key issues and concerns involved. Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. Fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.”

Think about ways you can incorporate a Win/Win mentality at your organization, in your family, and even in your relationships with friends. Identify whether you are seeking to compete with others or to cooperate, and look for ways to create mutually beneficial solutions.